Core Fears
- being unwanted or unloved
- being rejected or abandoned
- being seen as selfish or uncaring
- being alone or isolated
- being unimportant or insignificant
- being seen as needy and dependent
- being unappreciated or undervalued
- being forgotten or overlooked
Core Desires
- to feel wanted by others
- to be loved and appreciated for their efforts
- to be seen as generous and helpful
- to be recognized for their contributions
- to feel connected to others
- to be seen as selfless and caring
- to be needed by those they care about
- to be seen as a source of comfort and support
Healthy Twos are known for their deep empathy, warmth, and compassion. They have a natural ability to sense the emotions of others and are always eager to help. They are cheerful, caring, and thoughtful individuals who enjoy doing kind things for others just to show their love. They are great listeners and pay attention to the little details that others may overlook. Healthy Twos are always willing to lend a helping hand, whether it's for a cause, a friend, or even a stranger in need. When in a healthy state, Twos possess exceptional interpersonal skills and have an ability to connect with others. They possess a positive outlook on people and are quick to acknowledge their strengths. Twos are generous with their time, energy, and affection, treating everyone with equal respect and kindness regardless of their status or position. They recognize the interconnectedness of all people and value the relationships they have in their lives. Healthy Twos embody the spiritual value of "Love thy neighbor as thyself." They have the ability to see the good in people and forgive the bad. They are reliable and willing to go the extra mile, such as staying up all night with a frightened child or giving their coat to someone who is cold. Healthy Twos are supportive and encouraging towards their loved ones, but they also value independence and self-reliance. They understand the importance of empowering their loved ones to thrive and succeed on their own. Additionally, healthy Twos know how to set boundaries and prioritize their own needs while still being loving and nurturing towards others.
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​Average Twos have a strong desire to meet the needs of others that often causes them to prioritize them over their own needs. They may overlook the fact that some individuals may not require their assistance or may not appreciate it. Twos are driven by the need to feel loved and valued, which can lead to mixed motives when giving. While healthy Twos give selflessly, average Twos may give with the expectation of receiving something in return. Average Twos have a genuine desire to do nice things for others, but they also seek positive attention and gratitude for their giving nature. They may struggle to admit that they have ulterior motives for their service, warmth, love, and encouragement of others. These individuals can be people pleasers, flatterers, and gift givers who take pride in making others feel special. However, they may fear not being loved or wanted in return, leading them to sacrifice themselves and manipulate situations to feel needed. Twos tend to overlook their own needs as they are too preoccupied with others, often unsure of their own identity. They are skilled at adjusting themselves to cater to the needs of others, to the extent that they may not know which version of themselves to present at social events.
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Average Twos' strong desire to be liked makes it challenging for them to decline requests, even when they are drained. Additionally, they struggle to accept gifts or favors without feeling the need to reciprocate immediately. They are often persistent in pursuing a romantic interest, even when faced with rejection. They enjoy a challenge and will go to great lengths to meet their love interest's needs. However, their doubts about others' love for them can lead to intrusive and possessive behavior. Average Twos may struggle with boundaries and intimacy, often sharing personal information with someone they've just met in an effort to get close quickly. They may use seductive behavior and affection to win over a romantic interest, and can be emotionally intense due to their longing for intimacy yet simultaneous fear of it. In some cases, they may become proud and overbearing, believing they are the main source of goodness in others' lives.
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Unhealthy Twos may start to worry that they are pushing people away. They might feel both self-important and unappreciated, and can be blind to their own manipulative and controlling behavior. They may become bossy and resentful, complaining that others are ungrateful. In an attempt to gain sympathy and attention, they may become clingy, needy, or even hypochondrial, imagining they have physical ailments. Despite all this, they may still overrate their own contributions while feeling like self-sacrificing martyrs. Unhealthy Twos can also be quite self-deceptive about their motives and actions. They may not even realize how intense and overbearing they're being, and may instead see themselves as saintly and selfless. This can lead to a sense of entitlement and a belief that others owe them something in return for their supposed generosity. In their interactions with others, unhealthy Twos can be patronizing and condescending, treating people as if they are inferior or in need of their guidance. They may also become resentful and bitter when they feel that their efforts are not appreciated or reciprocated. This can lead to a cycle of neediness and clinginess as they seek validation and attention from others.
Natural Talents & Gifts
• empathetic and compassionate towards others
• strong intuition; can easily sense and anticipate the needs of those around them
• great at building relationships and connecting with people on a deeper level
• ability to make others feel seen and heard
• excellent at providing emotional support and guidance to those in need
• can easily create a warm and welcoming environment for others
• ability to encourage, uplift, inspire, and empower people
• can see the good in people even when they can't see it in themselves
• ability to affirm others and put them at ease
• advocate and promote people or causes they're passionate about
Instinctual Variants
Instinctual variants are crucial in the Enneagram as they significantly shape our personalities. All animals, including humans, possess three survival instincts: Self-Preservation, Sexual (One-to-One or Relational), and Social.
Our psyche is comprised of three instincts, which are present in everyone but to varying degrees. One of these instincts takes precedence over the others and is referred to as our dominant subtype. This instinct is the first aspect of life that we attend to, and it can be related to security and wellbeing, intimate relationships, or social belonging.
Self-Preservation
Those who fall under this subtype are particularly focused on ensuring they have the necessary resources to survive. This includes providing for their partner and children, if they have any. Their concerns typically revolve around physical comfort, food, money, room temperature, health, housing, and overall well-being. Although they may have fulfilling relationships and social lives, if their self-preservation needs are not met, they may feel uneasy and uncomfortable.
Sexual
While most people desire one-to-one relationships, sexual subtypes have a strong preoccupation with intimate connections, particularly with their partner. They constantly seek to be in a relationship and strive to get closer to their partner. Sexual subtypes are highly attuned to the chemistry and level of stimulation between themselves and others. Without deep intimacy in their primary relationships, they feel emotionally unsatisfied and ill at ease.
Social
Social subtypes have an inherent need to belong to the culture they identify with, which drives them to adapt to the culture's needs to be accepted and protected. They are highly aware of how others perceive them, but not all social subtypes enjoy group activities. Unlike self-preservation subtypes, who enjoy their alone time, and sexual subtypes, who value exclusive intimacy, social subtypes prefer to be involved with people.
Enneagram 2 Subtypes
Self-Preservation Twos use their youthful and cute attitude to subconsciously attract care from others, similar to how a child's cuteness inspires love. They aim to be loved for who they are, not what they do or give. They have a compulsion to be liked by everyone and excel at being the teacher's pet. Self-Preservation Twos are childlike, fearful, and less trusting. They prioritize meeting others' needs to gain love but also feel a strong urge to withdraw due to the fear of disapproval and rejection. They value relationships but also see them as risky. This type is characterized by self-importance, humor, and charm, but can be easily sensitive to criticism. When upset, they may sulk, withdraw, or express their feelings in a childish manner. Self-Preservation Twos may express hurt through pouting, angry recriminations, or childish accusations. They tend to be unconsciously dependent on others and may manipulate situations to get the care they crave. Despite yearning for freedom, they often attach themselves to people in unhealthy ways. While competent, they don't want to take responsibility for themselves on a deeper level. More mature Self-Preservation Twos can be methodical and organized, indulging in pleasurable experiences to distract themselves from feelings of self-abandonment and inner deprivation. They may also fantasize about being loved or admired and idealize people. Unconsciously projecting power onto others as a way of avoiding responsibility can hinder owning their own power and having equal relationships.
The Sexual Two uses charm and sexuality to lure in potential suppliers of love, favors, and gifts. They transform their need for love into false needs and a sense of entitlement to take what they want. The purpose behind their seduction is to solve any problem or meet any need in life. They have an urge to be desired that fuels their impulse to inspire attraction in others. The Sexual Two's strategy is to be attractive and unashamed of their needs. They believe that others will want to meet their needs because of their charm and generosity. This type resembles the femme fatale archetype, possessing a dangerous kind of beauty that wields power over others. They have an active, purposeful attitude, which can include an element of aggression. The Sexual Two is known for their direct and dramatic approach to seduction. They put in an intense and passionate effort to capture the affection and devotion of their desired partner. Their aim is to secure a relationship where they can express their devotion and generosity in exchange for what they want. However, their underlying motive to get their needs met can make it difficult for them to accept limits or take "no" for an answer. Sexual Twos justify their actions, words, and selfishness in the name of love, as if it were the only emotion that justifies everything. For them, "love" is about enchanting, seducing, and attracting—about maneuvering themselves into a special position. Inspiring passion in someone else is their way of fixing everything in life.
Social Twos are adept at working behind the scenes to expand their influence within the group and steer the larger entity towards their benefit. They possess the ability to coordinate individuals within the community through strategic giving, which helps them gain respect and loyalty. Although it may be subconscious, this Two relies heavily on "giving to get" as a strategy when interacting with others. They support others to ensure reciprocal relationships and think in terms of influencing people through the offer of favors or rewards.
Social Twos can have a tendency towards workaholism and a sense of omnipotence. They often come across as enthusiastic, confident, or even overconfident, and may display manic behavior at times. They tend to engage in power struggles, wanting to dominate and play the protector, and may express territorial behavior. They usually have a highly positive sense of their work and goals, believing that they can accomplish anything they set their minds to. People with this subtype tend to deny vulnerable emotions, such as shame, fear, despair, mistrust, jealousy, and envy. They may sincerely believe that they are displaying vulnerability when they aren't, or they may use a show of vulnerability for effect with an audience. On the low side, when they are more unconscious and unhealthy, Social Twos may be indifferent toward or even contemptuous of others. They may take a position of power and control over others in ways they don't see, and may even unconsciously exploit others, even while believing they are helping them.
