Core Fears
- being exposed as a fraud or failure
- being unsuccessful or not achieving their goals
- being overshadowed or overlooked
- being unable to meet others' expectations
- being unable to maintain their image or reputation
- being seen as unprofessional or unaccomplished
- being unable to keep up with the competition
- being seen as lazy or unproductive
- missing out on opportunities
Core Desires
- to be successful and admired by others
- to be seen as competent and capable
- to be the best at what they do
- to be respected and admired
- to be successful in all areas of their life
- to be seen as confident and self-assured
- to be seen as ambitious and driven
- recognition and validation for their achievements
- opportunities to showcase skills and ability
Healthy Threes are highly productive, self-confident, and optimistic individuals with an attractive personality. They are energetic, diplomatic, and charismatic, making them popular among their peers. They excel at time management and delegation, accomplishing more in a day than most people in two or three. Healthy Threes are great team players, boosting morale and improving team spirit with their positive attitude. They are curious, adaptable, and invest a lot of time and energy into improving themselves and their circumstances. With their charm, good manners, and ability to influence others, Healthy Threes are truly remarkable. These individuals possess an impressive set of qualities that make them stand out from the crowd. They're known for their sociable and personable nature, which makes them highly likeable among their peers. These individuals are experts in presenting themselves in the best possible light, and they know how to motivate, promote, market, and communicate exceptionally well. Their skills and abilities make them truly inspiring, and many people aspire to be like them. With their positive attitude and go-getter mentality, Healthy Threes are sure to make a lasting impression on anyone they meet.
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Average Threes are known for their highly competitive nature and their strong drive for success. They tend to harbor a deep-seated fear of being overshadowed by others and are constantly comparing themselves to their peers. Seeking recognition for their accomplishments, they can become workaholics, pushing away their feelings in their pursuit of success, sometimes neglecting their health and relationships with others to prevent being outdone. Their career is of utmost importance to them, as it serves as a vehicle for making a name for themselves. Some Threes prioritize status and prestige, while others focus on material security or impressing their family and role models. They tend to be image-conscious and may invest in a large house, an exotic car, or a glamorous career to stand out. They may also be concerned with how the people in their lives reflect on them. Overall, perception is crucial for Threes as they strive to maintain a positive image and reputation.
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​Average Threes are interested in learning about techniques, success strategies, negotiation and persuasion methods, and anything that can give them an advantage over their competition. They are skilled at adapting to different situations and will do whatever it takes to succeed. Average Threes may struggle with being true to themselves in public versus private due to their desire to impress others and maintain a positive image. They prioritize projecting a winning image, saying the right things, and being likable in public, but can be impatient, edgy, and short-tempered in private, especially when under pressure. Many Threes focus on developing their persona for recognition and praise rather than character and soul, which can lead to intimacy issues in relationships out of fear of being vulnerable and losing face. When it comes to building a deep and meaningful connection with your partner, authenticity is key. However, for individuals with a Three personality, opening up and sharing personal thoughts and emotions can be a daunting task. This can make it difficult for them to be emotionally vulnerable or reveal their innermost selves, hindering the development of true intimacy. As a result, they may struggle to let their guard down and truly connect with their partner on a deeper level. ​​
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Unhealthy Threes are characterized by their incessant efforts to convince themselves and others that they are as successful as the image they project. This unrelenting desire for attention, recognition, and validation can lead them to become increasingly self-absorbed and narcissistic, with a tendency to talk excessively about themselves. They may become superficial, self-promoting, and self-important, often displaying ostentatious behavior and grandiose expectations of themselves. In order to impress people and bolster their low self-esteem, they may resort to inflating their talents and accomplishments, which can lead to dishonesty, arrogance, and contemptuous behavior to defend their fragile ego. Due to their fear of failure and humiliation, individuals with this mindset may resort to exploitative and opportunistic behavior. They may also become envious of the success of others and be willing to go to extreme lengths to maintain the facade of their superiority. They may become devious and deceptive in order to conceal their mistakes and wrongdoings. In more extreme cases, they may even engage in malicious behavior, betraying or sabotaging others to gain an advantage over them. This behavior is often driven by a sense of delusional jealousy towards others, leading them to believe that their success is a threat to their own.
Natural Talents & Gifts
• the ability to develop themselves and their potential to all they can be
• a focus and full concentration on their dreams, goals, and desires
• good at winning over and influencing people
• working well under pressure
• ability to juggle many roles and responsibilities in life
• adapt well to sudden changes, able to shift gears quickly to stay on top of things
• ability to work hard and persevere in their endeavors
• can easily inspire and motivate others to achieve their goals
• good at planning and executing plans with efficiency
• initiating, leading, and taking action to succeed
Instinctual Variants
Instinctual variants are crucial in the Enneagram as they significantly shape our personalities. All animals, including humans, possess three survival instincts: Self-Preservation, Sexual (One-to-One or Relational), and Social.
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Our psyche is comprised of three instincts, which are present in everyone but to varying degrees. One of these instincts takes precedence over the others and is referred to as our dominant subtype. This instinct is the first aspect of life that we attend to, and it can be related to security and wellbeing, intimate relationships, or social belonging.
Self-Preservation
Those who fall under this subtype are particularly focused on ensuring they have the necessary resources to survive. This includes providing for their partner and children, if they have any. Their concerns typically revolve around physical comfort, food, money, room temperature, health, housing, and overall well-being. Although they may have fulfilling relationships and social lives, if their self-preservation needs are not met, they may feel uneasy and uncomfortable.
Sexual
While most people desire one-to-one relationships, sexual subtypes have a strong preoccupation with intimate connections, particularly with their partner. They constantly seek to be in a relationship and strive to get closer to their partner. Sexual subtypes are highly attuned to the chemistry and level of stimulation between themselves and others. Without deep intimacy in their primary relationships, they feel emotionally unsatisfied and ill at ease.
Social
Social subtypes have an inherent need to belong to the culture they identify with, which drives them to adapt to the culture's needs to be accepted and protected. They are highly aware of how others perceive them, but not all social subtypes enjoy group activities. Unlike self-preservation subtypes, who enjoy their alone time, and sexual subtypes, who value exclusive intimacy, social subtypes prefer to be involved with people.
Enneagram 3 Subtypes
Self-Preservation Threes aim to excel in everything they do and become a model for others. They strive to be the best parent, partner, worker, or anything they take on. They desire to be recognized for their achievements and inspire admiration without appearing vain. They want to do things well and live up to their image, even if it means ignoring their own emotions. The Self-Preservation Three wants to appear attractive and successful to others, but they don't want others to know they actively created an image to look good. They believe that virtuous people are not vain, so they don't want others to catch them in the act of wanting or working to look good. Self-Preservation Threes are highly motivated to work hard for security and have a strong desire to be self-reliant and in control of their lives. They may feel a sense of omnipotence and responsibility for making everything happen. However, their anxiety and need for control can lead to panic when they lose autonomy or require assistance. This subtype's passion for security can lead to oversimplification in life, focusing only on what is practical and useful. They have an imperative need to handle everything and may believe they are better at it than anyone else. Self-Preservation Threes may struggle to form deep connections with others due to their focus on work, efficiency, and security. Despite their efforts to maintain relationships, they may find it difficult to establish meaningful connections that aren't superficial. This can be especially true for less self-aware Self-Preservation Threes, who may view emotional expression as unproductive. As a result, they may struggle to form intimate relationships that require emotional openness and authenticity.
Sexual Threes are known for being pleasers and helpers in relationships. They work hard to promote others and often prioritize making someone else look good over their own status and achievement. While they can be ambitious and hardworking, their main focus is on being attractive and supporting others. For Sexual Threes, pleasing others brings approval and love, so they don't feel the need to be conventional achievers. They may make excuses to avoid confrontation and have fantasies about an ideal partner. These Threes prioritize family or team mentality and project an image of being good in this way. They believe they need to be perfect to be loved and work to be the "best lover" or "perfect spouse." Sexual Threes strive to achieve love and desire from others by projecting a sexy image and seeking recognition from those they want to attract romantically. They portray confidence, magnetism, and success in hopes of finding a picture perfect relationship that others would be envious of. However, this pursuit can lead to a disconnection from their true selves and others, resulting in a feeling of emptiness and a lack of identity. Despite their charisma and appeal, they may struggle with low self-esteem and difficulty expressing their authentic selves. The Sexual Three, being the most emotional of the Threes, is more inclined to express their feelings and emotions. They may experience a profound sense of sadness and fear of emotional pain, which leads them to disconnect from their deeper emotional experiences. Additionally, they may perceive criticism as a significant threat, as it shatters their image of being a "perfectly good person."
Social Threes crave attention and enjoy being in the spotlight. The "Prestige" subtype is the most vain of the Threes and is skilled at being a chameleon. They seek admiration and applause from everyone and are often in the forefront, basking in the limelight. Social Threes are skilled in social interactions and know how to climb the social ladder by carefully choosing their words to make the right impression and achieve their goals. Their fuel comes from social success, which can vary depending on their background and context. Some display intelligence, culture, or class, while others have material symbols of social status. The Social Three is competitive and assertive, with a corporate mentality. They may appear demanding and authoritarian, but often hide these traits behind a smooth, decorous, and humorous facade. They are skilled at suppressing their emotions, which can sometimes make them appear cold. Their focus is on achieving the best results for the group, especially in terms of what will sell and look good. However, this can sometimes cause them to prioritize image and profit over virtuous actions and the well-being of others. The Social Three is confident in leading a group towards their goals. They may feel frustrated if the leader is not efficient enough and want to take over. They also have a talent for image-making and self-promotion. Social Threes experience anxiety about being overexposed and fear being seen as having no worth. Criticism can be devastating to them, but they are unlikely to show it. They may feel the need to keep people at bay and have difficulty revealing themselves fully. This strong need to look good can prevent them from knowing and connecting with their true selves and feelings.
