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Enneagram 4

 "The Individualist"

"The Dreamer"

"The Romantic"

Core Fears

-  having no sense of self or identity

-  being ordinary or mundane
-  being misunderstood or not seen for who they are
-  being disconnected from their emotions or inner world
-  being too ordinary or conformist
-  being seen as unimportant or unnoticed
-  being unauthentic and losing their genuine self

Core Desires

-  to be unique and special
-  to be appreciated for their individuality
-  to express themselves creatively
-  to be seen as deep and complex
-  to be true to themselves

-  to find meaning and purpose in life 
-  to express feelings without judgment

Healthy Fours are introspective and self-aware. They are compassionate and treat others with kindness, diplomacy, gentleness, and discretion. They have emotional strength and resilience, and are in tune with their feelings and inner world. Healthy Fours are eloquent and self-revealing, not afraid to talk about what's really going on inside them. They can articulate what others have thought or felt but couldn't quite put into words. Healthy Fours are independent and stay true to themselves, even when faced with peer pressure. They have a unique perspective on life and can find humor in their own quirks and those of others. They are creative and appreciate beauty in all forms, using their creativity to express their deepest emotions and connect with others. They're passionate and intuitive, trusting their inner impulses and inspirations.

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Average Fours perceive themselves as unique and different from others, striving to avoid being seen as ordinary. They often feel misunderstood and prefer to do things on their own terms, which can lead to frustration when things don't go their way. Despite their longing for connection, they tend to feel uncomfortable around others and may struggle to form meaningful relationships. They focus on idealized concepts and crave a passionate, emotionally intense relationship, often entering into new relationships with excitement and hope. However, they are frequently disappointed when their romantic interest fails to live up to their fairytale, leading to increasing dissatisfaction with reality and themselves. They are painfully self-conscious and image-conscious, and their ever-shifting moods make them hypersensitive and reactive. They tend to take everything personally and can be self-absorbed, dramatic, and moody.

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Average Fours have a strong desire for positive attention, yet tend to withdraw into a lonely lair to protect themselves, which can make them appear aloof and standoffish. This behavior is often a result of their deep-seated fear of being rejected or misunderstood by others. As a result, Fours tend to spend a considerable amount of time in solitude, often wallowing in their own self-absorbed misery. This reinforces their self-image as being different and misunderstood, which can further perpetuate their melancholic state, making it difficult for them to connect with others. It is not uncommon for some Fours to use their melancholy as a means of seeking attention, particularly from individuals who feel the need to rescue and take responsibility for others. ​​

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​Unhealthy Fours can become impractical and unproductive, making it difficult for them to cope with daily life. They may indulge in self-pity and become melancholic dreamers, feeling misunderstood and let down by others. They may even feel exempt from following the rules and protocols that most people live by, leading them to do as they please, often to their own detriment. They may long for love and become dramatic, tragic romantics. However, when others fail to meet their unrealistic expectations, they can become critical, disdainful, contemptuous, and condescending. Fours in an unhealthy state may avoid people and struggle to keep a schedule, fulfill promises, or show up for appointments on time, if at all. Individuals who exhibit unhealthy traits of the Enneagram Type Four personality tend to be highly sensitive to any form of pressure. As time passes, they may become increasingly fragile and decadent. These individuals are often prone to mood swings, depression, and a feeling of disconnection from others.

Natural Talents & Gifts

•  the ability to tune into their inner states, subconscious feelings, and impulses
•  seeking a deep understanding of themselves and helping others to do the same
•  feeling things deeply and share the depths of their soul with others
•  ability to express themselves in a highly unique, personal way
•  look for and find meaning in every experience
•  ability to be touched deeply by beauty, kindness, and love, as well as sadness, pain, and sorrow
•  following their heart no matter where it will lead
•  ability to be sincere and authentic about who they are, making others comfortable to do the same
•  creating an ambiance of romance

•  ability to help others get more in touch with their emotions

Instinctual Variants

Instinctual variants are crucial in the Enneagram as they significantly shape our personalities. All animals, including humans, possess three survival instincts: Self-Preservation, Sexual (One-to-One or Relational), and Social.

Our psyche is comprised of three instincts, which are present in everyone but to varying degrees. One of these instincts takes precedence over the others and is referred to as our dominant subtype. This instinct is the first aspect of life that we attend to, and it can be related to security and wellbeing, intimate relationships, or social belonging.

Self-Preservation

Those who fall under this subtype are particularly focused on ensuring they have the necessary resources to survive. This includes providing for their partner and children, if they have any. Their concerns typically revolve around physical comfort, food, money, room temperature, health, housing, and overall well-being. Although they may have fulfilling relationships and social lives, if their self-preservation needs are not met, they may feel uneasy and uncomfortable.

Sexual

While most people desire one-to-one relationships, sexual subtypes have a strong preoccupation with intimate connections, particularly with their partner. They constantly seek to be in a relationship and strive to get closer to their partner. Sexual subtypes are highly attuned to the chemistry and level of stimulation between themselves and others. Without deep intimacy in their primary relationships, they feel emotionally unsatisfied and ill at ease.

Social

Social subtypes have an inherent need to belong to the culture they identify with, which drives them to adapt to the culture's needs to be accepted and protected. They are highly aware of how others perceive them, but not all social subtypes enjoy group activities. Unlike self-preservation subtypes, who enjoy their alone time, and sexual subtypes, who value exclusive intimacy, social subtypes prefer to be involved with people.

Enneagram 4 Subtypes

Self-Preservation Fours have a deep capacity for feeling, including sensitivity, suffering, shame, and envy, but they tend to keep these emotions to themselves. They value endurance and self-sacrifice, hoping that others will recognize and appreciate their efforts without them having to talk about it. Unlike other Fours, they suffer in silence and deny their envy, often bearing too much frustration as a result. The other two Four subtypes are highly sensitive to frustration, either suffering too much or making others suffer as a result. The Self-Preservation subtype, on the other hand, is the countertype Four because they have a high capacity to internalize and bear frustration. They see resistance to frustration as a virtue. They tend to be empathic, nurturing, and often protest for the sake of others. They are sensitive to the needy, the dispossessed, and victims of injustice. This subtype projects their pain outward, addressing it through others' suffering instead of talking about their own. While the other two Four subtypes can be dramatic, the Self-preservation Four is more masochistic than melodramatic. Self-Preservation Fours tend to devalue themselves, making it harder for them to seek the security and love they crave. Their attachment to endurance stems from a desire to earn love and acceptance by being strong and resilient. These Fours may also work against themselves to prove their worth, controlling their impulses to gain recognition. Despite their desire for happiness, they have an unconscious aversion to it. Instead of addressing their problems and making progress, they expend energy on fear and procrastination, leading to self-blame and inaction. They exhaust themselves by striving in areas where they know they'll fail, perpetuating the cycle of effort and devaluation. Although they may be ambitious, they work against their own aspirations.

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Sexual Fours can come across as arrogant, but it's often a cover for their underlying sense of inferiority. They prefer to be part of a select group and can be elitist. Criticism is hard for them to take, and they may refuse to feel indebted to anyone. They tend to project their needs onto others while minimizing others' accomplishments. Sexual Fours may cause suffering to others as they feel the need for compensation for their own pain. This tendency can be summed up as "Hurt people hurt people." They refuse to suffer and insist on having their needs met, often demonstrating anger if not. Sexual Fours are shameless in expressing their desires and rebel against any shame associated with them. If others perceive Sexual Fours as demanding, it can result in a cycle of rejection and anger. These individuals may become upset when their needs are not met, but their demanding behavior can cause others to avoid or reject them, leading to further anger and frustration. This can create a cycle where rejection leads to protest, and protest leads to further rejection. The Sexual Four subtype is known for being more assertive and expressing anger more openly than other subtypes. This is because they use anger to conceal painful emotions. This behavior is a plea for help and understanding. Although they can come across as hateful and competitive, it's crucial to understand that their actions stem from a deeper need to project their sense of suffering and inadequacy outward. Their competitiveness and anger serve as a defense mechanism against the hurt they feel. These Fours crave emotional intensity and can be direct when seeking love. They are present in relationships and don't avoid factors that can inhibit others relationally, but may struggle to maintain a loving attitude due to confusion between sweetness and insincerity.

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The Social Four is driven by envy, which leads to a focus on shame and suffering. They constantly feel that others have what they desire, causing them pain. However, they also believe that their suffering makes them unique and special. Social Fours tend to hold onto their suffering instead of taking action to change it. They often rely on others to fulfill their needs and believe that expressing pain will eventually lead to someone helping them. They find comfort and beauty in their suffering. This subtype tends to engage in self-abasement, self-recrimination, and self-weakening. They express their envy by constantly comparing themselves to others. Their poor self-image is perpetuated by themselves, and they often engage in self-sabotage by underestimating themselves and feeling inferior to others. Social Fours often experience shame and guilt associated with their desires and needs. They may feel guilty for any wish and tend to focus on intense and dark emotions such as envy, jealousy, hatred, and competition. They may also feel like the world is against them and struggle to believe that their needs will be met. Fours with this subtype tend to think and act based on their emotions, which can prevent them from taking necessary actions. While they are often generous towards others, they may struggle to take responsibility for their own lives and may even exaggerate problems to avoid finding solutions. Social Fours often repress emotions like anger or hatred in public; however, in private, they may express their bottled-up emotions and become aggressive. They tend to swallow their own poison rather than externalize it to others and may have difficulty finding their place in a group or society. These Fours may see themselves as misfits, as well as victims and others as "perpetrators." 

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