Core Fears
- conflict and confrontation
- losing connection with others
- voicing needs, desires, and concerns
- a chaotic environment
- becoming explosive in their emotions
- being disliked by others
- being seen as uncooperative
- being seen as demanding or needy
- being alone or abandoned
Core Desires
- harmony in all aspects of life
- to avoid conflict and maintain a sense of calm
- to have a sense of community and belonging
- to have peace of mind and be whole
- to feel connected to others and their environment
- to mediate disagreements between others
- to empathize with different perspectives
- to stay in their comfort zone
Healthy Nines possess a calm and receptive nature, making them adaptable, compassionate, patient, and nonjudgmental. They have the ability to accept others as they are and create peace and harmony wherever they go. People find it easy to relax around them because they are genuinely easygoing and good-natured. Healthy Nines are emotionally stable and trusting of themselves and others, which allows them to experience a deep sense of inner peace and serenity. They are excellent listeners and great at understanding differences in viewpoints between other people. Additionally, they have an innate gift for comforting and reassuring others, making them dependable and supportive friends. They have a natural inclination to seek out common ground to bring people together and can provide a calming, stabilizing influence during challenging times. While not self-centered, they have a strong sense of self and can set and achieve goals while managing their time effectively. Healthy Nines are often peaceful and serene, but can also be assertive and dynamic when necessary. They are skilled communicators, making them well-suited for roles such as mediators, negotiators, counselors, and diplomats. Their quiet strength, equanimity, and contentment with life can be a source of inspiration for others.
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​Average Nines tend to be disconnected from their own needs and priorities. They view themselves as humble individuals who prefer to stay in the background and yield to the desires of others. By being unobtrusive and blending into the background, they can minimize their expectations of others and themselves, which helps them maintain their peace of mind. However, this approach can also lead to being overlooked and taken advantage of, which is difficult for Nines to address due to their aversion to rocking the boat. Average Nines tend to comply with requests made of them as they enjoy feeling connected with others and dislike conflict. It's easier for them to go along with others to avoid expending too much energy, but they can be stubbornly resistant inwardly if they didn't want to do something but agreed to it out of habit. This can lead to passive-aggressive behavior such as doing things slowly or "forgetting" to do them. Nines try to avoid conflict as much as possible, as it causes them anxiety and disrupts their peace of mind. They prefer predictability and dislike too much change, valuing a harmonious and comfortable life with regular routines and soothing habits.
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​Average Nines may exhibit a strong work ethic and physical activity, but they often struggle with spiritual laziness when it comes to living in accordance with their own values and priorities. They are known for being indecisive, undisciplined, and procrastinating due to a lack of clarity on what they truly want and what should be prioritized. As a result, they may spend their time on unimportant tasks or mindless activities. In relationships, Nines tend to idealize their partner and enjoy feeling merged, which contributes to their calm demeanor. However, this calmness also stems from being disconnected from their own lively and instinctive energy. Nines tend to be attracted to energetic people and may live vicariously through their partner's desires and priorities since they are often out of touch with their own needs. To maintain their peace of mind, they may be passive, tune others out, sweep issues under the rug, or withdraw from conflicts. Though, this peace of mind is simply an avoidance of problems and anything upsetting. Nines prefer life to be smooth and easy.
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Natural Talents & Gifts
• the ability to listen to people patiently, attentively, and nonjudgmentally
• can see other peoples’ points of view and value differences of opinion
• often puts others at ease with their even-keeled presence, calmness, and patience
• ability to create peace and harmony between people
• skilled at making others feel included and important
• good at comforting, supporting, and empathizing with others
• ability to help people relax, see the big picture, and put things in perspective
• appreciation of life's simple pleasures and comforts
• being able to feel deeply connected with others and even with the universe
• ability to create a calm, accepting, and collected environment
Instinctual Variants
Instinctual variants are crucial in the Enneagram as they significantly shape our personalities. All animals, including humans, possess three survival instincts: Self-Preservation, Sexual (One-to-One or Relational), and Social.
Our psyche is comprised of three instincts, which are present in everyone but to varying degrees. One of these instincts takes precedence over the others and is referred to as our dominant subtype. This instinct is the first aspect of life that we attend to, and it can be related to security and wellbeing, intimate relationships, or social belonging.
Self-Preservation
Those who fall under this subtype are particularly focused on ensuring they have the necessary resources to survive. This includes providing for their partner and children, if they have any. Their concerns typically revolve around physical comfort, food, money, room temperature, health, housing, and overall well-being. Although they may have fulfilling relationships and social lives, if their self-preservation needs are not met, they may feel uneasy and uncomfortable.
Sexual
While most people desire one-to-one relationships, sexual subtypes have a strong preoccupation with intimate connections, particularly with their partner. They constantly seek to be in a relationship and strive to get closer to their partner. Sexual subtypes are highly attuned to the chemistry and level of stimulation between themselves and others. Without deep intimacy in their primary relationships, they feel emotionally unsatisfied and ill at ease.
Social
Social subtypes have an inherent need to belong to the culture they identify with, which drives them to adapt to the culture's needs to be accepted and protected. They are highly aware of how others perceive them, but not all social subtypes enjoy group activities. Unlike self-preservation subtypes, who enjoy their alone time, and sexual subtypes, who value exclusive intimacy, social subtypes prefer to be involved with people.
Enneagram 9 Subtypes
Self-Preservation Nines seek comfort in fulfilling their physical needs. They find satisfaction in activities such as eating, reading, playing games, watching television, sleeping, or even working if they find it comfortable. This subtype expresses their need for protection and well-being by merging an experience of the satisfaction of concrete needs. Self-Preservation Nines tend to seek comfort in familiar routines or physical indulgences rather than facing potential conflicts or overstimulation. They may find it easier to lose themselves in comfortable activities rather than exposing themselves to the unpredictable outside world. The term "Appetite" encompasses not only the desire for food but also the need for physical well-being, comfort, rest, and structure. It emphasizes the importance of fulfilling physical and material needs in simple, tangible, and enjoyable ways. Self-Preservation Nines prefer more alone time than the other two subtypes. They find it more relaxing and grounding to be by themselves, allowing them to fully relax into their activities. They often have a unique sense of humor that is characterized by a wry and self-deprecating attitude. For Self-Preservation Nines, seeking comfort in pleasurable activities may be a way to compensate for their deeper sense of self-denial or to fulfill other desires in place of the need for love.
Sexual Nines seek a sense of "being" that they don't find within themselves. They use relationships to feed this need, as it can be too challenging to be on their own. When in close relationships, they may feel like there are no boundaries between their experience and that of the other person's. When merging with others, Sexual Nines tend to adopt their feelings, attitudes, beliefs, and behavior in an energetic way. They may experience a sense of loneliness or abandonment that they believe can only be resolved by another person, even if they are not consciously aware of it. Sexual Nines often experience a sense of uncertainty about identity and a lack of structure in their lives. They may unknowingly seek validation and a sense of self from others. While they tend to be gentle and kind, their expressions of tenderness may not always be genuine. These Nines may struggle to find the motivation to act on their own initiatives, particularly if it involves conflict with others. Sexual Nines use a defense mechanism to cope with the pain of separation by denying the existence of boundaries. This helps them avoid feeling isolated and alone. They may feel that their identity is only complete when they are with others. However, in their efforts to maintain these connections, they may neglect their own needs. This can lead to them avoiding and ignoring important issues that can harm their relationships.
Social Nines tend to merge with groups and prioritize the group's interests over their own. They are friendly and sociable individuals who have a strong desire to belong and be involved in the group. This need stems from a feeling of being different or not fitting in with the community. As a result, they tend to overcompensate being generous and sacrificing their own needs to earn membership and feel included. They tend to be workaholics, with lives full of everything but themselves. Despite the effort it takes, they are driven to stay benevolent and selfless. Unlike other Nine subtypes, Social Nines are outgoing and energetic, making them a counter-type Nine. They excel as leaders due to their selfless nature and commitment to fulfilling their responsibilities. They possess exceptional mediation skills and work towards ensuring that everyone's opinions are heard and conflicts are resolved. Social Nines are willing to bear a lot, even to the point of becoming a "human punching bag." They're known for their unconditional giving, which stems from a deep fear of abandonment, conflict, separation, and loss of peace and harmony. Despite finding their identity in belonging, they may struggle with doubts about their own existence and sense of self. While they may appear happy on the outside, there is often a lingering sense of not belonging that creates a subtle sadness.
